Tuesday, November 5, 2013

$95.00 shoes means independence

 $95.00 SHOES
For 9 years we would make bi-monthly visits to shoe stores to replace ones that look like the below picture.  Troy's Cerebral Palsy causes him to walk alot on his toes especially when he goes fast.  Oh I should mention he is 11 years old so there is only fast pace on his dial.

We have gone to shoe store after shoe store to find the perfect shoe.  Let me rephrase that the perfect rubber sole.  One that will not wear out, be affordable and fit braces (AFO's).  All three requirements are the hardest all at the same time.  Add to that shoes that Troy can put on by himself.  Never an easy task for mom or dad to put on let alone him to have to reach down and try to pull them on.
I even wrote a letter to Nike asking for help and never got a response back.  Searched the Internet and even though there are thousands of hits nothing ever came up for what we needed.
Two weeks ago I came across a shoe add on a special needs page I belong to and became overjoyed at the prospect of a new place to get shoes (in the US of course).
I printed off their chart to measure Troy with his braces on. Within a couple of days I phoned the company and ordered the size of shoe with Velcro and made sure they were the athletic style.  Order was all good until I said we lived in Canada.  The receptionist then gave me a Canadian number to call who upon calling get me a company in Guelph who would order the shoes for us.  Guelph are you kidding?
Upon our first appointment at Applied Biomechanics we were met with such friendly staff.  Troy got measured up and we would wait for the call the shoes were in.  The next day I would come home to a message Troys shoes were in.  The picture you see above is the pair of shoes Troy had so we were desperately due for a new pair.  I did not even care how much those new US shoes would cost they sounded perfect.  
Next appointment I could have cried as I watched them slide with so much ease the shoes onto Troy's braces.  My heart is dancing as I see the loop on the back of the shoe and the loop on the tongue which means Troy will have something to pull with his fingers to get his shoe on easier.  The depth in the shoe means the braces will not slide out. 
I looked at the worker and asked, "Where have you been all our brace life?"  We all chuckled.  To see Troys face and excitement to put on his own shoes after so long was priceless. He got bugged alot by teachers and EA's at school that he could not get on his own shoes over his brace and I continually explained to them how hard it was.  Now he can do it.
I went up to the window to pay and when she said, "$95.00 please!" I did not even care.  My heart is so happy.
Today for the first time in years Troy came into the kitchen before school and said, "Mom I got my shoes on I am all ready."  We gave each other a big hug.
I am also excited because this new place in Guelph also makes braces which means Emma and Troy can get them there in the future which means less trips to Hamilton.
Thank you God for people who make $95.00 shoes.  for companies like applied Biomechanics in Guelph for their compassion to help people get the right orthotics.  I am still in aw...
Ps hoping that work benefits will cover the cost.

Friday, November 1, 2013

Promise of a rainbow

The kids began complaining and asked a zillion times, "Mom when are they going to call us in?"  The dreaded wait in the waiting room to followup with Emma's Neurologist.  Just when we are all ready to give up 45 minutes later the doctor finally comes out to collect Emma's CD with her MRI pictures we had to get from the doctor she had before we adopted her.  Along with the CD I shared all the medical records we have ordered from old doctors.  Off the doctor went with our information to look it over.

I am so disappointed in myself because at that point I should have covered my family in prayer.  Shielded us from worldly diagnosis and words.

The kids helped give a quick little update once we settled in the patient room.  "Is it OK to show you the images?" the doctor asked.  I was so succumbed by the excitement of learning about Emma's brain that I forgot about praying quickly in my head for what they were about to say medically.

"This part here is abnormal," and "See this section here should look like this," I heard for four parts of her wee brain.  Too me it looked perfect.  Emma is perfect.  To God she is perfect.  I was overwhelmed with everything the doctor showed and explained.  I asked if my other three kids could see the pictures of Emma's brain.  After a few giggles we all settled back in the patient room. 

I honestly had no questions.  What could I possibly ask after hearing Emma's little brain was abnormal in many places?  "Mrs. Clemmer Emma has a 50-60% chance of having seizures," doctor says.  Instantly I was taken back 11 years ago when Troy was 2 pounds in his isolette in NICU and he had to be given medication for seizures.  That was the hardest thing to watch as a mom as his tiny body arched back trying to cry but stopped by ventilation tubes down his throat.  "Oh God I am not prepared for seizures," I silently whispered in my own heart.

Discussion began regarding seizure medication, what to do and what not to do should it happen.  Along with hearing not sure if she will walk, they warned of not being able to talk, not being able to take care of herself in later years, her life span and be prepared for many communication devices etc.  Earthly words.  I knew that as soon as I heard them but because i forgot to pray before I feel i did not have my shield up. 

On the way home I felt as though I had been stung.  I felt a yuck.  I felt unsure. 

See this picture of the rainbow below my son Troy took on our way home from Hamilton that day.  WOW.  Thank you God for reminding me of your promises.  While rainbows are of a promise of no more flooding I always feel such a love when I gaze at its beauty.  It reminds me not of just one promise but of God's many promises in His word.  Promises He has for Emma.  He has amazing plans for her.  See while doctors have great information God has the best information. He doesn't tell us we will never walk, never talk and live so long.

I chose to put on Gods glasses and when His glasses scan I bring Heaven to Earth and I see a perfect little brain.  I see the beauty God made in His little princess.  I see the glow in her heart.  I see the determination He has blessed her with.   These glasses are priceless, non shatter proof.  They come with a relationship with Him.  How can I possibly live without His glasses? 

The last words the doctors said before we left that day were considering all the MRI scans revealed, Emma far exceeds the diagnosis.  Children with those similar images were not near where Emma was. 

Darn right she exceeds cause God has plans for her.  He is already healing her.  Having a church family and a few family members along with Dean, myself and her sister and brothers praying for her, loving on her Emma is gonna rock this earth.  So grateful we were chosen for her and her for us. 

Pot of gold is the promise in the rainbow. 


Friday, October 25, 2013

Were whales in or out?

This is so fun! You have to reference this devotional from the little books of Our Daily Bread.

During our bible study the above referenced devotional was shared and laughter bursted out as we listened to the childs question about whether or not the whales were in or out of the ark.  The innocence of the quesiton was precious.  All the kids quesitons were precious.  Questions that were fun and asked without woe is me. 

It clearly says in the bible we must have faith like a child and maybe that is why I connected so well with the question of the whales being in and out.  I honestly was trying to figure out if they were in or out.  Hit a spot where I was like who cares. It was just fun to wonder and can not wait to ask when I get to Heaven.  Are we going to sit in robes and sing all day was another childs quesiton and How is my grandpa doing up there? Will my puppy be in Heaven?  How sweet are these questions?

You read in the devotional the adults questions are all about woe is me. Why Lord why Lord why Lord. Where are you?  We need to set an example for our kids.  Coming out of Brownies on Wednesday Bella and her friend were hopping onto the railing to ride down the steps and her friends mom told her not to we were in a church.  I laughed and said, "Ahhggg don't worry about it Jesus would probably do it with them."

If you knew Jesus was physically coming to your house for supper next week what would you ask Him?  Have fun with your list.  I would like to know if there is chips in Heaven.  Will we have to get up in the middle of the night to go pee?  Will we wear shoes or sandles or barefeet? 

Before I starting writing this i did refrence the Bible and did find out the answer.
In Genesis  7 it says, "6 Noah was six hundred years old when the floodwaters came on the earth. 7 And Noah and his sons and his wife and his sons’ wives entered the ark to escape the waters of the flood. 8 Pairs of clean and unclean animals, of birds and of all creatures that move along the ground, 9 male and female, came to Noah and entered the ark, as God had commanded Noah. 10 And after the seven days the floodwaters came on the earth.

So now I add quesitons to my list.  Are whales clean or unclean water creatures?  Why did they have to swim for so long?  What about salt water and regular water mixing?  LOL 


Thursday, October 24, 2013

Invitation to clean up

Invitation to clean
Wheeling my daughter from the kitchen into the front room to eat breakfast together I noticed the beautiful glow of the sun off our floor.  As I looked closer it was a clear invitation to clean our very dirty floors.  It would have to wait until we were done our cereal if not longer.   Better yet when I felt like taking the time it would get swept and moped.  Until then the sunshine was so relaxing.  So relaxing that should I be a cat I would curl up and soak it all in.
In reflecting Jesus reminded me of when He came into my heart(life).  As He entered my heart He extended the invitation to clean up my heart, mind, soul and life.  It was not demanded of me in a fierce way.  No whips were snapping behind me.  There were days and still are days when I have felt like when I have time I will talk to Him I will.  I have few moments like that now as the cleaning made room for the realization as to how important my relationship is with Him. 
Just like the picture above, as we allow the "Son" into our house an invitation is extended to follow Him.  To take time to curl up like a cat on the floor and read His word.  As we read we talk, the more we talk to Him the more we trust, as we trust growing is happening.  When we grow cleaning begins. 
It will never be a sparkling Mr. Clean life but all the cleaning we do gets us to a Kingdom that has nothing but sparkling floors. 
Now the cleaning does not get done because I am too busy sharing Jesus (and a little candy crush).

Happy cleaning everyone!


Saturday, October 5, 2013

Earthly Stroke vs. Heavenly Stroke

Lord bless my words:

As I parked our van in the wheelchair parking spot I found myself in a daze.  My son and daughter colouring in the back waiting for the word to get out and go into the hospital.  I have parked her lots before to visit a princess.

On the first floor in room 108 is Joanne.  That hospital has been her home for over a year.  Joanne suffered a major stroke which in Satan's mind has left her paralyzed.  I could write on and on about all the equipment in her room.  My heart tells me though that is what Satan wants me to see and what he wants you to see when you go the hospital to visit people you know and love.  I do not visit Joanne because I feel bad for her and feel obligated because it is my moms very dear friend.

You see I have something Joanne needs inside her and needs to hear.  So simple.  It is Jesus.  When I go to see her thanks to Jesus I see the princess He sees.  I feel the love He has for her.  I have a great sense of the great plans He has for her.  He wants her to know how much He loves her.  Her precious body needs the Holy Spirit trickling through her veins oh and pumping in her heart.  She deserves to know there is a freedom and peace that she owns thanks to Jesus. 

I have taken Joanne worship music.  I bought her a dollar store princess crown and it sits on her shelf. But today I spoke a prayer over her with little response and that was to accept Jesus into her heart.  "Lord forgive her sins,  may her heart accept You and invite you in.  Lord may she continue to commit all she has to you."  The best gift I have.  It is all I have.  I also sang "Jesus Reigns" quitely behind her followed by a few lines of, "Jesus loves you."

Satan may have won with a earthly "Stroke" but our God hahahaahhaha is much bigger and HE won with his stroke of death on the cross.   Earthly stroke vs. heavenly stroke...no matter what Joanne is going through she needs to know she already won.  Don't we all?

Joanne does cry and responds when she feels up to it.  I sense frustration, hate, hurt and even fear looking at her face.  I constantly pray for peace that surpasses no other.  I totally believe God can heal her.  Will He? That I don't know.  Should I be angry if he does not (the way I expect) as I really feel like He wants to.  What does His healing look like compared to what healing looks like to me?

"Lord over a year now is so so long...please show us your plan for Joanne. Be with her husband Glen and other family members.  They all need you!  Revelation, revelation..."

Thursday, September 26, 2013

A new love for Oero Cookies

On a Tuesday this September, I spent a whole day at KidsAbility in Waterloo doing workshops on Augmentative Speech tools that are available.  Basically resources to help us give Emma what she needs until her name comes up on the 18th month waiting list for services.  I am forever excited when I learn more about what tools are out there for Emma and other children.  Buttons that talk for her, a display board of pictures that will talk for her, modified toys that work with the push of a button, computer pieces that would allow her to work the computer with the push of a button.  Some display program pieces costing hundreds of dollars coupled with apps for Ipads that cost hundreds of dollars. 
We can borrow them from KidsAbility for a four week period or purchase on our own.  The alternative is wait the 18mths at which time the wait list is gone and there would be coverage for it all.   The wait list does not bother me because I know God has trusted me with Emma during the wait time and He will do great things in her in the mean time. 

A couple times during the workshops I got teary eyed knowing how important all the pieces are for her.  And it brought me out of my space of comfort to realize that oh my gosh Emma doesn't talk like she should right now.  Driving in the van home I began to say, "God why can't you just give her what she needs to talk, heal her" and began to digest all that I had heard.

The next day on Wednesday my journey took Emma and I to Fergus KidsAbility for her Occupational therapy appointment.  One of the activities we did was work with the Oreo you see above.  You see this is no ordinary Oreo.  It is a plastic therapy toy that a child must learn to pull apart.  For Emma this is difficult with little use out of her left hand.  On this day I put Emma's little left hand brace on and as her eyes lite up when the Oreo game came out the therapist handed Emma an Oreo cookie to pull apart.  Emma's determination with the hand brace on was not like any other day we have seen.  Our little girl was so determined.  Within a few tries Emma did it...she pulled the two pieces apart.  We cheered, I had tears.  I joked with our therapist and asked, "Can i keep that Oreo cookie?" She gave me the plastic piece and said, "For sure you cherish it."

Amazed and proud as we drove home.  I told myself to blog about this and once Emma was down for a nap I took a picture of the Oreo.  One picture wasn't enough so I opened the Oreo and took another picture of it apart.

My mouth dropped open wide as I realized what shape was inside.  A cross shape! The day before I had wondered where God was with Emma's speech and why He couldn't just heal her. And there I was the next day asking for forgiveness as He reminded me He is with us in everything.  While she may not totally be healed of speaking fully, right now papa God is working in so many other moments with her.  I phoned the therapist and left her a message about what shape was in the cookie.  I have no idea if our therapist is a Christian or knows Jesus but I just had to share.  She later phoned back and could not talk as she was crying.  Sharing with her had made her day.
Who knew God could be in an Oreo Cookie?  I do now!!!! 

Thursday, March 21, 2013

Rosemary we love you! (our adoption worker)

Spirit guide me with my words:

After careful prayer along with many conversations, Dean and I decided to switch our process from the route of fostering to adoption.  We had no idea who our new worker would be.  I carried an emptiness after the passing of our last worker.

Pushing our front door closed for the last time, flashes of home visits with our worker came into my mind like clicking the arrow to go to the next picture.  It was over one year ago we had our first meeting together to discuss the picture we fell in love with.  First visit began what would be many heart to heart conversations.

As we looked at little "Rosie's" printed picture on the table we were told her real was Emma and Rosemary, our adoption worker shared more personal information regarding Emma's history.

Our adoption journey then began.  From January 2012-July 2012 there were many home visits, too many emails to count and a few phone calls with Rosemary.  Our relationship with Rosemary blossomed into a very special connection.  Only God could put it into place.  Her love for our family was so obvious as we laughed together, cried together and her complete acceptance of our faith.  Rosemary became an advocate for our family making sure all pieces including financial support were in place.

Rosemary was so patient and laughed with understanding as I emailed her once a week checking on where our adoption process was.

Then came July 2012 and within three weekends we met Emma and her amazing foster family.  We traveled a good distance for two weekends to spend time with her and precious time with her foster family.  Before we knew it we were packing the last of her belongings in our van and driving three and a half hours home.

Rosemary had home visits after Emma came home.  During this whole process what I didn't realize was the huge spiritual attack I was under.  That attack became all about anxiety and fear.  Real bad.  Without getting into specifics I was completely terrified to tell Rosemary.  Would she take Emma away?  What would she think of me? 

The morning before her one visit I battled telling her about my huge struggles.  Shortly after she walked in the door I couldn't hold it in any longer.  I began crying and we sat out the couch and I shared. Rosemary at that moment became a huge part of my recovery.

Her level of understanding, love, comfort and support far exceeded that of which I expected from an adoption worker.  She did not indicate Emma would leave LOL.  Instead I embraced her reassurance that struggles can be normal.  Her hug that day when she left meant the world to me. She was not there to criticize or call me a failure or say that's what I get for adopting. Every day after that I got stronger and stronger thanks to many around us but I had the most unbelievable comfort I could have called Rosemary at any moment.

As we approached our last visit before the finalization of Emma's papers I honestly disliked that she would not have any more visits.  We love her very much and her love for our family.  Rosemary was sent into our lives from God at the right time to get God's treasure he had planned. Fostering didn't work for us because God had other plans two years later.  We look forward to having Rosemary at Emma's dedication.

Thanks Rosemary!!!!

Thursday, February 28, 2013


Spirit I am listening....

As I sit on my couch resting for a few minutes to a couple of tunes coming from the satellite, I can not help but look out my window and glance over at my neighbors house.  Late last year she found out she has breast cancer and liver cancer.  The night before her breast surgery a couple of Christian sisters and myself went over and watched as the Holy Spirit touched her deep inside.  Darn right we expect healing from our Daddy God.

In one of my glances out the window I find myself wondering or asking what would I be like in that type of situation.  Just where my mind wanders as Satan(anxiety) uses every opportunity to destroy.  I love it cause I pull out my armour (doesn't even hurt my back).  In reality I allow a release from my heart (Jesus/Spirit) to take over and kick out the yuck thoughts.

I realize though there is seriousness to these types of situations.  As I bring Jesus out I start to ask, "Lord am I where you want me to be?  And say, "Lord I want to live out my destiny that you have planned out.  I do not want to get to Heaven and apologize for not following what is on my heart that you put there."

You see I don't have your typical bucket list.  Is it fair to say that most bucket lists look like this:
*win a million dollars
*bigger house
*fancier car
*no debt
*lots of clothes
*pretty kitchen
*other outdoor toys
*many trips
*big screen TVs
etc etc etc

My heart does not crave any of that stuff in the way most do.

*I want to go to the hospital where my moms friend has been for one year after a stroke and watch her healing.
*I want to take my family to Peru for however long God needs us there.
*I want to take scriptures to my friend/neighbor who is battling cancer as often as I can and pray for Heavling
*I want to pray for my brother and sister-in-law to find awesome jobs in Australia.
*I want to raise money for families who need equipment and other needs for children/adults with special abilities
*I have the need to hand out valentines to say they are loved to people I don't know on Valentines Day.
*I want people to know how much they are loved by Jesus
*I want people to know not all "Churches" are the same
*I want people to know they are forgiven
*I want street people to know they are loved
*I want people in prison to know they are loved
I could go on and on.

But as I think about my time to meet Jesus, I do not want to look up at his precious Holy face and say, "I am so sorry Father I did not do all those things you put on my heart."

I do not want to hear Him ask, "Why not?  I would have given you everything you needed."

There is no good enough excuse I could possibly tell the King of all Kings.  He died for me.  ME.  Died! I have this time only now to love on people and help cause when we get to Heaven there will be no helping it will be perfect.  People need to see the beauty and perfection of Heaven here and now.  My family needs to come to Heaven.  Imagine a perfect family gathering in Heaven.  My friends need to eat chips with me in Heaven.  The hurting need to know there is no hurts with Daddy God in heaven.  Those with physical and mental needs deserve to have a taste of Heaven where their bodies will be whole and new and free.  All the lost deserve to be found and get to share in the Heavens.

Tuesday, February 5, 2013

I am a follower!

Spirit be with me as I write this.

For one month now our family has been attending ministry in a school gym.  Previous we attended another church in our small town.  It doesn't matter which one.  Those who know us will know which one.  The pastor of that church had many conversations with God and realized he was at a crossroad, the church was at a crossroad.  Many in the church would say they carried a feeling in their hearts of reaching a crossroad. 

My personal definition of crossroad being defined as a group who are content in one space and the others who are hungry for so much more without the dictation from a manual or man made rules but rely solely on the Holy Spirit/God/Jesus.

We were so blessed to have our Pastor announce that he was leaving the church and beginning a ministry with the support of another ministry.  The blessing was that many of his services he revisited teaching us we must listen to God to know where we would attend church in the new year.

Five years ago our family started to attend the church and our Pastor/friend/brother because of his devotion to our Papa God and teaching us each Sunday from the BIBLE and from his personal life has given Dean and I the platform to totally change our lives.  Growing up Catholic I personally thought the Priest was to do everything; pray for people, visit hospitals, heal, talk to God and go once a year in a booth to repent to a little hole in the wall.  In saying that I am so thankful for the life of growing up in church. 

Everything our Pastor was telling us every Sunday is in the bible.  It is so simple.  While rules are important everything we are to do is in one book, His word, The Bible. 

It tells me to talk to God myself-   'God, who commanded the light to shine out of darkness, hath shined in our hearts, to give the light of the knowledge of the glory of God in the face of Jesus Christ' (11 Cor. 4:6).

I can repent everyday myself- 'Repent, then, and turn to God, so that your sins may be wiped out, that times of refreshing may come from the Lord' (Acts 3:19)

I can pray and ask for Jesus to heal through me- 'And God has placed in the church first of all apostles, second prophets, third teachers, then miracles, then gifts of healing, of helping, of guidance, and of different kinds of tongues' (1 Corinthians 12:28).

There is so much I could highlight that yep I can do.  Little me, mom of four kids who has sinned, and will sin again.  No walls came crashing down when I entered the church.  The only ones that did were the ones that Satan put up.  This teaching didn't come from a certain denomination of church it came from a devoted Pastor.  His love of God, love of the Spirit, love of Jesus, love for all people no matter where there walk is with the Lord and love for God's word.  No matter where our Pastor goes the whole faith package goes with him.  Like many big name followers (12 disciples and more) in the Bible, I chose to be one of them.  Some call us "Pastor" followers (substitute pastor for his real name).  In a way yes our family is following him he is a good man who puts the bible before all else and his family is precious but sorry we are following the Man our Pastor holds in his heart.  The Papa God he teaches that loves us.

Ministry can be held anywhere and definitely anytime.  On Sundays that gym is transformed into an amazing room of worship and so many can feel the love as they walk in.  When one feels freedom the Lord has a new space to move and create new things in. 

Thank you God for Selah Fire!
I can't wait until you make the walls tremble and the earth shake.

Wednesday, January 23, 2013

Not alone!

Grabbing a diaper and the sippy cup full of juice I said, "Come on guys Troy has an appointment.  I need you to leave on time for school" and stuffed my goods into the back pack. 

"Good bye, blessings for a great day,"  I repeat twice. Once for Bella and once for Scott as they walked out the front door and I listened as their feet crunched in the snow. 

Now it was time to get Troy, Emma and myself in the van and get heading off to Kidsability in Guelph.  Suddenly I begin to feel pressure in my heart about this appointment.  I begin to reflect on how many times I have NOT done stretches and how bad I feel. 

Knowing a very important appointment with the surgeon is creeping up in February I begin to blame myself if they plan surgery.  Why can't I find time everyday to get all stretching done?  I should push him harder even through the complaints.  What will the surgeon think of me?  Why can't God work a miracle in his tight muscles? 

Backing out of the drive way I could already hear Troy's Ipod playing his favorite song.  As I looked over my shoulder to check for traffic I glance at Emma and can't help but smile at her beautiful grin looking back at me.

Stopping at the stop sign at the end of our street all those questions pop up again.  Satan was working really hard.  Oh my gosh for that moment again I was feeling like I have let Troy done and should be doing more as a mom. 

Thankfully I have Jesus fighting away in my heart and the spirit was on top of the crazy schemes.  Suddenly I got a beautiful vision.  It was a split vision: on the left side was me doing stretches with Troy and the right side angels were doing the stretches. 
For he will command his angels concerning you to guard you in all your ways;
Psalm 91:10-12

Reflecting all the way to Guelph I knew God was telling me it is ok...he is being taken care of even the times I can not do the stretches.  I have to say I love GOD and that I am a Christian.  Noone I know, not my mom, not Dean(husband) nor the doctors would ever be able to offer me that comfort.  My daddy GOD was saying, "I am watching and taking care of my child.  He is mine.  Give him to me."  WOW to know my son has angels with him...I can't ask for anything else for him.

Also to remember that before we do stretches to invite the Spirit and pray.  I am just so greatful Dean and I can teach our children about faith.  There is nothing like it.  Beautiful. Amazing.  Graceful.  Loving.